I'm never going to be that woman. The woman who everyone looks at and says "I don't know how she does it!" I don't think this ever really bothered me before, but now that I'm pregnant with our third child, I've been kind of boxing myself daily about why I'm not getting everything done each day. Maybe it's that little bit of freaking out about if I can't get everything done now, how in the world will I get it done with THREE??? I mean, why am I not finished with a completed to-do list including dinner, papers graded, baths, bedtime, shopping, bills paid, lunches planned, laundry folded, dishes done, doctor's appointments, toys away, and cookies baking in the oven, and blog updated? (Which is incidentally, why this blog hasn't been updated near as much as I'd like! I mean, I think about it all the time. I'll think of something and think, I'm going to blog about that, and well, it just doesn't always happen.)
Besides having the recent revelation that NOBODY does it all, I also realized that I don't want to. If I am able to do all that I need to do each day completely on my own, what part shall God's grace play in my life? Due to the fact that I know I cannot in any way get everything done that I would like to get done in my many roles, I know that I have to begin every day by asking God to please help me have strength, wisdom, discernment, and peace.
Acknowledging my need for God's help doesn't mean I am a flawless mother, wife, or teacher. Quite the opposite, in fact. It means that I know my flaws, I know what I'm going to struggle with, including mommy guilt. That alone, could crush me daily. The reason it doesn't crush me is because I am aware that most moms deal with mommy guilt. It can surface in any number of ways. Maybe today I feel guilty for not getting as much done around the house. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel guilty for doing too much around the house and not spending enough "quality time" with kids. A week from now, I could feel guilty about being too harsh with my sons when I know they're only 2 and 4. Next Wednesday, I can beat myself up for being too tired to make dinner and feeding my kids junkie fast food for dinner. And a month from now, maybe I'll even feel guilty for making a hair appointment in the evening when I'm already away from my kids all day while I teach. But the fact of the matter is, mommy guilt is a chameleon. It can take on whatever form it needs to get its point across. It is almost certainly the most efficient way that women attack themselves in their daily lives.
You can think to yourself, "Why can't I get it all done like Sally?" or "Why can't we have a normal day of errands without meltdowns like Mary and her kids?" Well, Sally and Mary may look like they've got it all together, but I promise something's not done or at least not done in the right way. Maybe Sally's a hoarder and Mary's taking little Billy's ADD meds. Okay, so maybe it's nothing that drastic, but I like to make it really crazy in my head so I seem a little less crazy myself. Well, that, and I have a really huge need for humor in my life. So, I ask God to help me remember that he called me to live my life, and nobody else's. How could I have guilt over not getting everything done when only Sally's called to that anyway? And so, if my blogs appear few and far between and only the front of my shirt is ironed, I'll still hold my head high and know that I'm getting done with everything God helped me do that day. After all, I'd rather cross off half my to-do list with his help than the whole thing on my own. It will help me down the line to teach my children to rely on God's grace. It will help me keep my sense of humor as a mom, and most of all, it will help me remember that NOBODY really does it all!
