My Perfect* Son

Tonight I went and laid next to my oldest son while he slept.  I snuggled up next to him and listened to him breathe.  Were there times I was short with him today?  Maybe...but he knows I love him and I always will...no matter what.  This time though, was completely perfect.  Rain falling outside, I let my breathing get in sync with his.  I pretended this means our hearts are beating in sync too, which means he will always be my baby, and I will always be his momma.  I love him more with each new thing I learn about him or watch him learn about the world.  I had to capture this moment of mommy elation, because Lord knows when I step on a Lego tomorrow, I'm going to need it.  But for now I'm off to bed, thankful for my perfect [while he is sleeping] angel.  XO, BC.

Lessons I Learned in Pre-K

Tomorrow is my son, Brennon's, last day in pre-K.  Or maybe not.  I don't know for sure.  See, my boy is a summer baby, and I know that by now we should have decided what's going to be in his future, but we haven't.  Even so, whether or not we decide to put Brennon in kindergarten or another year of pre-K in the fall, he's still ending his first year of school tomorrow.  That's a milestone no matter how you look at it.  During this year, Brennon has learned so much more than I could have imagined, but I've learned quite a bit as well. 

First of all, I've learned or rather, had confirmed that time flies by.  This sounds so ridiculous, because there isn't a parent out there that doesn't say this at some time, but really, it's unbelievable to me that the boy for whom we waited and waited to join our family, is almost five years old.  He speaks like a little man and he is a little man.  I love this little man with all my heart, and I just hope that he knows that I treasure the time that I have with him.  I'm so thankful that he's been trusted to me.

I've learned sometimes God sends people into your life through your children.  My friend, Jenifer and I knew each other before the beginning of the school year.  We were happy that our kids were in the same class, and we even made small talk on the first day of class while they played puzzles at the same table. We hoped they would become good friends, but we had no idea that the two of us would become the best of friends. As Brennon & Serenity became "boyfriend and girlfriend", we found that we loved spending time together as friends with our kiddos more than we could've known.

I learned that he's not going to learn everything from me or from the classroom. Sometimes I'll ask Brennon where he learned something, and he'll tell me from Peppa Pig or from hearing you. The other day, he told me he learned the right way to hug from watching daddy and I hug in the kitchen. This obviously wasn't something we set about to teach him, it was just something he learned from our day to day life. The opportunity for him to learn something is always there, even if I am not always ready to take it. From teaching, I've always heard children are like sponges and may soak everything up, and it is so so true

I learned that relationships formed at an early age, even those outside of the family, are so very important. Tonight, I tried to hold back tears as Brennon told me at bedtime that he did not want to leave his friends and his class. He wanted to go to pre-K with them forever. He didn't want to think about having a new teacher next year, because Miss Kelly and Miss Connie are supposed to be his teachers...forever. He had an amazing first experience in school, and for that I will always be thankful.

My Child As a Friend

There comes a time in the life of every mom when you see your child as a friend for the first time.  I'm not talking about him being a friend to me, although I'm sure that time will come as well, but as a friend to his friends.  Sure I've seen him be a great friend to his brother or play with his cousins, but it's different when he has a friend who he has chosen to be friends with. 

When Brennon started pre-k, I was so excited to find out that he was in the same class as a little girl we knew named Serenity.  I want Brennon to make decisions on his own, so while I gently nudged him towards her on the first day, I let him figure out on his own if she was somebody that he would want to be friends with.  And he did!  I would love to hear him recount his fun times at school, and he always made sure to include Serenity in his list of people he played with...sometimes she would make up the whole list.  So it really shouldn't have surprised me when he came home one day and told me that he had a girlfriend.  Oh my!  I was so not ready for that!!!  I just have to laugh it off and say that I'm glad she's a girl and she's your friend.  :-)  Kind of like when I was in college and Ryan and I were dating, it took my mom almost a year to not introduce him as my "friend".  In fact, by the time she finally started calling him my boyfriend, we were practically engaged.  Ok, so that was nothing like when I was in college, but it made me think of that.  Maybe someday when he really does have a girlfriend, I will be able to accept it at that time.  Hope so...as long as it doesn't happen until he's 30.

In the meantime, I love it.  We went to Bartlesville on Sunday with Serenity and her mom, Jenifer (who I love and I'm so happy we've become friends!)  It was so cute to see the way that they talked to each other in the car, played together, gave each other attention and cared for each other.  I loved seeing how kind he was and how much he so enjoyed being with his friend all day long.  He couldn't stop talking about his day with Serenity that night at bedtime, and I am so proud of the way that he has become a friend.  He's off to a good start!

The Biggest Decision....

It started like any ordinary day.  I didn't know as I woke up and made some "egg-in-the-holes" and cinnamon rolls that my heart would soon melt into a lump of goo in only a way that one of my sons could do.  Our conversation started because I was looking at my cousin, Kristi's. new pictures on facebook.  These were pictures that any mom would be proud of, as they were showing her son and daughter being baptized yesterday.  Brennon wanted to know what they were doing, because from his point of view, it looked like they were just swimming.  So, we started talking about why his cousins, Liv and Ty, chose to be baptized.  The conversation was so simple, and I felt like truly it was God giving me the words to speak to him, as it really is hard to put all your own beliefs combined with a college level theological "worldview" into four-year-old terms.  In the midst of our tender conversation over quesadillas, I told my Brennon that he could ask Jesus to live in his heart.  Since our conversation had sparked out of an interest in baptism, he looked completely conflicted as he said with complete honesty, "Do I have to be dunked in water?"  He makes me laugh so much! 

I explained to him the difference in salvation and baptism, and after our lunch we sat together in the living room and I led him in a prayer that gave him a clear understanding of what it meant and knowing that it was an important decision.  I was so, so happy that I got to experience this with him, and that I was able to lead him in this way.  Brennon was so excited that he then called my mom and told her his "good news".  He was so happy to hear how excited Gramma was that he then asked to call his Poppie and Gigi and Mimi and Papa.  He told them, and he was a little more proud each time.  I thought that I had cried all I could by the time he told my mom the story, but each time he recounted it, I cried even more.  I am so happy that my tender-hearted little guy took this seriously and understood that this decision meant more than just repeating words.  I have to admit that I was proud of myself too.  Every mom has a list of things that they want to be in their child's eyes, and godly is at the top of mine.  I fall short of that more than I care to admit, but that is a whole new lesson that I get to teach my little boy, because God's grace is what will allow me to be a godly mom.  Even more so, this grace will allow me to experience more and more events such as this, the truly important ones, the ones that are completely life-shaping.