3 Years Have Flown By....

Almost two weeks ago now, my little baby turned three.  I know, I know, he isn't my little baby anymore, but he still so is.  Gavin is the boy who helps me see more and more that personality can be strong from the beginning, that children certainly do inherit both the best and worse from their parents, and that humor is undoubtedly necessary in everyday life.  There is so much to say about my Gavs, that I just had to take the time to think back about how we got to this point.  Just a warning, I love this little boy more than life itself, so if I get mushy, well, you've been warned.

My pregnancy with Gavin was so different than that of Brennon.  He gave us scares.  He made sure his entrance was unforgettable:  2 weeks early, the cord wrapped around his neck two times, and wrapped around his big toe once (so that every time that he was kicking, he was pulling the cord), and then we dealt with jaundice for the first week of his life.  His first few months were hard:  colic, a snowstorm the day he came home, postpartum depression, and colic....oh and colic.  Ugh!  But even from the beginning, he was my little cuddle bug.  He would pull his legs up under his tummy and he would snuggle his face into my neck and just cuddle.  He would happily stay in my baby sling, so close to my heart for an hour at a time.  He brought me so much agony (did I mention that he was colicky), and so much joy from the moment he entered our world. 

I'm sure I'm not the only mom to ever compare her children, but I found that having two kids so close together made it especially hard.  During his first year, Gavin ate food sooner (which at the time I thought was from me loosening up as a mom, but now that I see what a foodie Gavin is, it doesn't surprise me at all), he laughed sooner and much more often (still no shocker), and although he became mobile later, once he started, he didn't care so much about walking as he did climbing!   Brennon was so neat and clean, and Gavin was just all over the place.  He didn't care if the spaghetti ended up just as much in his hair or the wall as it did in his mouth.  Brennon was quiet, and Gavin was loud.  He didn't really care as much about television, which is still the case, and he LOVED music.  Gavin loves to sing, be sung to, and dance, dance, dance!  I remember a time when he was probably only about a year and half that the Sunday school teacher said to me that she was shocked about what rhythm Gavin had. 

As Gavin continued to grow, I would see the best (expressive, loving) and worst of me (temper....uh, yes) demonstrated in him.  I love that he looks like me, but I think that's just because my handsome Brennon looks like Ryan's mini-me.  My mom showed my brother, Kyle, a picture of me when I was about 5 months old, and Kyle asked why we put Gavin in a dress.  I love it!  He is my mini-me, only with less hair bows!



At age 2, he started sticking out his tongue and making funny faces in pictures....

Gavin is now three years old, and I see personality, personality, personality!  He loves his family, his friends, and animals.  He goes from talking about how much he loves them and being charming in general to teasing in no time flat.  He will tell Brennon that he loves him and that he is his best friend and then bring sibling rivalry to new levels within a span of two minutes.  He loves to tease, especially because he is able to get to Brennon.  I was shocked when Gavin was only two and a half and he was taunting his older brother saying that he bought him "girly princess stuff" for Christmas.  He loves to make silly faces when you take his picture, have his "neck meat" tickled, and use his wild imagination.  He is still my cuddle bug, only now it happens when the mood strikes, and he is uber-competitive (I do not know where he gets that, ahem!)  He loves to feel like he's done something, and I love when he says, "I can do it by by my myself!"  Although I sometimes do worry about his pronunciation, I have to admit that I will absolutely miss the way that he says somethings when he grows out of it.  I mean, will I even know who he's talking about when he calls him "Brennon" instead of "Bwennon"?  He tries my patience almost daily, but he also has me (and many of my friends) wrapped around his finger.  I am so happy that is a part of my life, and that God gave us someone to make us laugh through every situation.  And on a side note, I apologize future teachers, because I know what it is like to have a class clown on your hands, but please know, I kid you not when I say that he will keep a smile on your face and laughter in your heart each and every day!  I love you, my Gavy, you are my sweet, silly boy, and Mommy loves all that you are...I always will!

I Don't Know How She Doesn't Do It

I'm never going to be that woman.  The woman who everyone looks at and says "I don't know how she does it!"  I don't think this ever really bothered me before, but now that I'm pregnant with our third child, I've been kind of boxing myself daily about why I'm not getting everything done each day.  Maybe it's that little bit of freaking out about if I can't get everything done now, how in the world will I get it done with THREE???  I mean, why am I not finished with a completed to-do list including dinner, papers graded, baths, bedtime, shopping, bills paid, lunches planned, laundry folded, dishes done, doctor's appointments, toys away, and cookies baking in the oven, and blog updated?  (Which is incidentally, why this blog hasn't been updated near as much as I'd like!  I mean, I think about it all the time.  I'll think of something and think, I'm going to blog about that, and well, it just doesn't always happen.)

Besides having the recent revelation that NOBODY does it all, I also realized that I don't want to.  If I am able to do all that I need to do each day completely on my own, what part shall God's grace play in my life?  Due to the fact that I know I cannot in any way get everything done that I would like to get done in my many roles, I know that I have to begin every day by asking God to please help me have strength, wisdom, discernment, and peace. 

Acknowledging my need for God's help doesn't mean I am a flawless mother, wife, or teacher.  Quite the opposite, in fact.  It means that I know my flaws, I know what I'm going to struggle with, including mommy guilt.  That alone, could crush me daily.  The reason it doesn't crush me is because I am aware that most moms deal with mommy guilt.  It can surface in any number of ways.  Maybe today I feel guilty for not getting as much done around the house.  Maybe tomorrow I'll feel guilty for doing too much around the house and not spending enough "quality time" with kids.  A week from now, I could feel guilty about being too harsh with my sons when I know they're only 2 and 4.  Next Wednesday, I can beat myself up for being too tired to make dinner and feeding my kids junkie fast food for dinner.  And a month from now, maybe I'll even feel guilty for making a hair appointment in the evening when I'm already away from my kids all day while I teach.  But the fact of the matter is, mommy guilt is a chameleon.  It can take on whatever form it needs to get its point across.  It is almost certainly the most efficient way that women attack themselves in their daily lives. 

You can think to yourself, "Why can't I get it all done like Sally?"  or "Why can't we have a normal day of errands without meltdowns like Mary and her kids?"  Well, Sally and Mary may look like they've got it all together, but I promise something's not done or at least not done in the right way.  Maybe Sally's a hoarder and Mary's taking little Billy's ADD meds.  Okay, so maybe it's nothing that drastic, but I like to make it really crazy in my head so I seem a little less crazy myself.  Well, that, and I have a really huge need for humor in my life.  So, I ask God to help me remember that he called me to live my life, and nobody else's.  How could I have guilt over not getting everything done when only Sally's called to that anyway?  And so, if my blogs appear few and far between and only the front of my shirt is ironed, I'll still hold my head high and know that I'm getting done with everything God helped me do that day.  After all, I'd rather cross off half my to-do list with his help than the whole thing on my own.  It will help me down the line to teach my children to rely on God's grace.  It will help me keep my sense of humor as a mom, and most of all, it will help me remember that NOBODY really does it all!

10 Years Later....

Tonight is the ten year anniversary of the night that Ryan proposed to me.  Our story doesn't begin there of course, and maybe I'll cover the beginning another time, but for now, I would like to reminisce about the moment I became Mrs. Wall-to-be.  Ryan and I had been dating for about a year and a half (minus a few months where "we were on a break"--no copy girl involved for you Friends fans).  I had a feeling that it was coming for a while.  I knew that it wouldn't happen at Christmas, because we spent it with family, both his and mine, and proposing around a lot of people we know just isn't Ryan's style.  So, New Year's seemed like the perfect time.  New beginnings, romantic dinner, perfect...right?  Well, so I thought. 

Aren't we fancy?  We look so young!!!

We went to dinner at Top of the Rock in Branson (Remember it?  It was great!)  We were all dressed up and feeling like we were such mature adults, as we were at 21 and 22.  (HA!)  The restaurant already had an intimate feel, but Ryan also had us seated at a table with an excellent view of the lake.  Gorgeous view, semi-private location, seemed like a good spot to me.  I don't remember what we ate, but I do remember we had creme brulee for dessert.  Not surprising that I remember dessert, I know.  Dessert would have been a nice time to propose, no?  No.    I remember we even walked out onto the balcony after we ate even though it was ridiculously freezing!  Perfect opportunity, so I thought.  Nope.  I was starting to get mildly annoyed, but didn't want my future husband to see that, because frankly until I got the ring on my finger, I was a little bit afraid of letting him see my crazy side.  Not that he hadn't seen hints, but really what girl wants to go all crazypants pre-engagement.  So, I kept my cool, because that feeling in my gut told me to just be patient, it was coming.  We walked back inside the restaurant before the frostbite kicked in and enjoyed the view a few more moments so that he could pull at that ring and pop the question.  Or not.  So we finished up got in the car and drove back to Springfield to Ryan's apartment. 

"Mind if we just hang out at home and watch the ball drop?", he says.  "No, of course not" (you big jerkface), I reply,  I know he hadn't done anything wrong, I was just so sure of the fact that it was the night.  So sure that when my cousin Kristi offered to pay me double to babysit on New Year's Eve, I had told her no, because I knew that it would have been worth it.  I thought it would have anyway.  We get back to Ryan's apartment, and I'm thinking "Hey, forget this, I'm not staying all fancy to sit on the couch for the next three hours and watch some old geezer count down to the new year."  So, I followed Ryan's lead and changed into sweats and threw my hair up in a ponytail (just to be clear, he didn't have a ponytail, if he had, I wouldn't have been hoping for a proposal from him).  It was a fine evening once we got there and got comfy, just not anything fabulous.  We sat and cuddled on the same couches that sit on our living room now (four moves later).  We drank hot chocolate, and we watched Dick Clark.  Let's see it was 2001, so who was on?  Probably Jessica Simpson or Pink or some other artist that was not too memorable, but then again, I may have been thinking about something else. 

About 10 minutes to midnight, Ryan says that he has to go to the bathroom really bad.  Wow, can this night get any more romantic?  He's back in the bathroom forever, and pretty soon I'm thinking that he better at least hurry up enough to get out here and kiss me as we ring in 2002.  So, I tell him to hurry up, they're already counting.  Could I get more annoyed at this point?  Well, I hear the door open and there are only 3 seconds left as he walks down the hallway and comes around the corner in his white Saturday Night Fever tuxedo holding a dozen roses and drops to his knee as the clock strikes midnight, and I hear the best words I had ever heard in my life, "Marry me, please, be my wife."  YES!!!!  The fireworks blasting across the television had nothing on the ones that were going off in my heart.  He asked me!  I knew he would!  It couldn't have been more like him in any other way.  It was just for us, it was special, and it is our story forever.  I could never have foreseen the ups and downs that would follow, but the answer I gave him was the most certain answer I've ever given, and I would say yes again a million times over.  I am a very lucky girl!

Merry Christmas, Darlings

For all those friends and family who don't make the "cut" to have me spend money on stamps, I thought I wanted to post our Christmas letter for this year so that you can also read my end-of-the-year wrap-up. 

Christmas 2011

Dear Family & Friends,

          Merry Christmas!  We hope this letter finds you happy, peaceful, and ready for Christmas!  It seems like each year we think we’ll be done with everything by this time, but it just doesn’t quite happen that way.  That doesn’t mean we aren’t enjoying every minute of this season, just that we have learned to savor the season, even with a handful of craziness mixed in. 

          This year has flown by!  Brennon is 4½ & Gavin is 2½, and they are on the go all the time!  In the fall, Brennon started going to pre-k three days a week at Grace Academy Preschool.  He has made some great friends there, and we are so proud of his hard work.  He also played soccer for the first time, which may have been even more fun for us to watch than it was for him to play!  Brennon loves Batman, Legos, doing art projects, and playing Wii.  Gavin loves Disney Cars, singing and dancing, and playing outside.  Gavin also likes to spend most of this time going from Brennon’s best friend to worst enemy and back again about one thousand times a day.  I guess that’s brothers being brothers. 

         

         Ryan and I have been very blessed to be able to be the ones raising our kids full-time this year.  I’m still teaching second grade here in Coffeyville, but what I mean by that is that our sons very rarely have to go to a sitter.  We have been able to coordinate our schedules so that Brennon and Gavin are home with us most days, except when Brennon is at school.  Ryan is Super-Dad, and he stays home with the boys during the day, and then he is able to work in the evenings so that I can be home with them.  This has been quite a transition for us, but we are so thankful that we are not only saving money, but raising our children ourselves.  We get to enjoy all the little joys and make use of all the teachable moments that crop up day to day. 

As I said earlier, we are enjoying our life, albeit a little crazy.  After all, the craziness doesn’t matter.  It’s all about living in the moment.  I’m not trying to be profound, and I’m certainly not saying anything new.  In fact, we see the same thing in the Bible when Jesus visits Mary and Martha.  Mary sits with Jesus and takes in the moment, while Martha is the Type A hostess who is making sure that the ornaments are spaced correctly on the tree or that the wreath is hanging straight on the door.  I’m comfortable saying this, because I am a Martha.  I work on it constantly, but it’s true, I have to remind myself to be more like Mary.  She wasn’t stressed.  I think that if she was here today, she would be having a very merry Christmas, and as the song says, she would ‘let her heart be light’.  She didn’t miss the blessing that came from stopping everything to sit and take in the presence of her Savior.  Isn’t that truly what this season is all about, after all?  May you get all you wish for in this season of miracles.  We pray peace and blessings for all of you in the New Year.  Merry Christmas!

Christmas Traditions

Merry Christmas!

When I was growing up, we had a lot of special Christmas traditions in our home, and even now that I haven't lived at home in well over a decade, I still think of them this time of year. I love that these traditions were so important and unique to our life and they weren't about anything other than our family being together, enjoying the season, and making memories.

Here's my dad and I before we moved from Pennsylvania (and before he lost all his hair...notice when I was the only child, he had plenty of hair.  I blame it all on my siblings!)

 I was so excited to get my first kitchen! 

My cousins Karri and Krista only made it more fun to play with!

This is my first Christmas as a big sister.  Check out that awesome boombox!

One of those traditions was that my brother, Kyle, sister, Shannon, and I used to cut out snowflakes to decorate the large picture window in the living room of our parents' home. We would try to create the most intricate snowflake and were so happy to have them hanging up, they may not have been fancy, but we made them and when it really did snow, it looked magical as the light hit our magnified slowflakes.

Yes, my eyes are closed, but other than that it's a picture of Christmas morning....and you can see our snowflakes hanging in the background!

I always loved decorating our tree. My parents made us feel as if the decorating we did was just as important as the decorating they did. I love that it was always a family affair, although it usually ended up being my mom and us kids, because after becoming thoroughly disgusted with trying to find that one lightbulb that was causing the whole strand of lights problems, he would mumble about the ridiculousness of the situation and then retire to the family room to watch.....wait for it.....football. (Shocker!) I still have my favorite ornaments on my parents tree. My parents gave many of the ornaments from their tree to myself and my siblings to hang on our own trees now, but there are a few that are still on the tree at my mom & dad's house that I just love. I don't know what it is about them, but they make me smile. There's one that is a pink and white crocheted mailbox that is so cute--I just love it! Then there's the one made by my grandmother, Esther, who I will not have the chance to meet until I meet her in heaven. I love the intricacy of the beads and knowing that her hands made it. I can tell it was made with love, just as I can see from the lives of her four children that she poured love into all she did in her too-brief life her on earth. I love that the traditions of the tree have carried into my own home, as the Christmas music plays and I allow my boys to hang the ornaments wherever they choose. You want to put a candy cane on that branch that already has six ornaments? Sure, go ahead! Great job, sweetie! And somehow magically, those ornaments are spaced out the next morning.....must be those mischevious elves!

I loved Christmas Eve. We would have an amazing meal, and then do the most important thing of the season. We would sit in front of the fire and read the Christmas story. We would say a prayer afterwards, and then we would each open one gift. A little precursor of the joy to come in the morning. Then Kyle and Shannon would always have a sleepover in my room and we would watch Home Alone and drink hot chocolate. I think of them every time I see the movie now, and I cannot let a Christmas season goes by without watching it. I remember waking up early, so, so early in the morning and begging our parents to get out of bed because SANTA CAME!!!! Even when I was in high school, I still remember feeling so excited to wake up on Christmas morning. I think I might have been too cool to act like it, so I probably pretended to have an attitude and be annoyed by my siblings waking up early, but inside I was doing cartwheels and singing "Joy To The World" at the top of my lungs. We would always open presents and then have a good breakfast together. It was magical.



My dad used to dress up as Santa for the younger cousins.  Have you been naughty or nice?

The best thing about these traditions are that they are all focused on our single family unit. Although I love seeing my aunts, uncles, and cousins, these traditions were centered around our family. They may seem silly or trivial to an outsider, but as someone who lived it, these are memories that I wouldn't trade for the world. As much joy as I feel in my heart as I recount these traditions, it makes me so excited for Christmas with my own family. We have started traditions ourselves already, but I wonder what kind of traditions we will have in the years to come. I can only imagine how the two most special little boys I know will choose to make the most important day of the year even more special to me. Whatever it is, I know there will be smiles, laughter, love, and plenty of hot chocolate for us all.

A New Thanksgiving

     This year, we decided to do Thanksgiving in our own home, and it was completely different than any other holiday we've ever had, but it was so very nice and I loved every minute of it.  I missed seeing my family, but we were able to have a great afternoon with Mimi, Papa, Gigi, and Poppi. 

     In true type-A fashion, I was able to not stress at all, because I had already made a document with all my recipes I would use in the order I would use them, a to-do list with times, and a schedule of when everything had to be cooked.  I know that may seem a little crazy to some people, but it makes my life so much easier!  So, on Wednesday, we made pumpkin pie (which I forgot to take a picture of, but I can assure you was scrumptious nonetheless)....

and cranberry sauce....

    and sweet potatoes.....

And then on Thanksgiving, while we half-heartedly watched the Macy's parade,

We made stuffing...

 and green bean casserole...

             and creamy corn...

and rolls, and I heated up the turkey.  I didn't have to fully cook it since  I decided that I didn't want to chance my first Thanskgiving as host being a disaster with a failed attempt at turkey.  So, I let Honey Baked Ham do the job, and it was delicious!

      Since Brennon has learned how to write so well already, he wanted to write placecards or "nametags" for everyone.  Although I helped him spell, he wrote them completely on his own.  He also asked me to help him figure out how to spell a message on the fridge with magnets.  My sweet boy!  I pray he keeps his tender heart and always wants to do special things for the people he loves.

                             

         After stuffing ourselves silly and then going back for seconds, we talked and talked, Brennon tried to teach Pop to play Wii Lego Batman, and enjoyed relaxing in our own home with family, coffee, and entertainment courtesy of two very rambunctious little fellas. 

          I was so thankful for a perfect Thanksgiving and for being able to host my in-laws and grandparent in-laws.  A lot has changed in the last few years for our family.  We've gone through a lot, sometimes more than it seems we could handle.  Maybe because of all this, it was even more special to be together on this day where we remember all the blessings that God has brought into our lives.  It was a new kind of Thanksgiving, a new kind of normal, but it made me even more thankful that we are able create new traditions and enjoy them just as much as anything else we've done in the past.  It gives me hope for more than just this day, but for every day in our new normal world.

My Child As a Friend

There comes a time in the life of every mom when you see your child as a friend for the first time.  I'm not talking about him being a friend to me, although I'm sure that time will come as well, but as a friend to his friends.  Sure I've seen him be a great friend to his brother or play with his cousins, but it's different when he has a friend who he has chosen to be friends with. 

When Brennon started pre-k, I was so excited to find out that he was in the same class as a little girl we knew named Serenity.  I want Brennon to make decisions on his own, so while I gently nudged him towards her on the first day, I let him figure out on his own if she was somebody that he would want to be friends with.  And he did!  I would love to hear him recount his fun times at school, and he always made sure to include Serenity in his list of people he played with...sometimes she would make up the whole list.  So it really shouldn't have surprised me when he came home one day and told me that he had a girlfriend.  Oh my!  I was so not ready for that!!!  I just have to laugh it off and say that I'm glad she's a girl and she's your friend.  :-)  Kind of like when I was in college and Ryan and I were dating, it took my mom almost a year to not introduce him as my "friend".  In fact, by the time she finally started calling him my boyfriend, we were practically engaged.  Ok, so that was nothing like when I was in college, but it made me think of that.  Maybe someday when he really does have a girlfriend, I will be able to accept it at that time.  Hope so...as long as it doesn't happen until he's 30.

In the meantime, I love it.  We went to Bartlesville on Sunday with Serenity and her mom, Jenifer (who I love and I'm so happy we've become friends!)  It was so cute to see the way that they talked to each other in the car, played together, gave each other attention and cared for each other.  I loved seeing how kind he was and how much he so enjoyed being with his friend all day long.  He couldn't stop talking about his day with Serenity that night at bedtime, and I am so proud of the way that he has become a friend.  He's off to a good start!